I was stood up by a high schooler...when I was in college

It's actually not that funny.

Story time:
Once upon a time during the most  dreadful summer of my life, I was stuck in DC taking organic chemistry  (I&II) , orgo lab, and Spanish (I&II) because of the BS/MD program (6 yr undergrad and med school program). On top of that, I was required to shadow AND volunteer for 50 hours. Needless to say,  I was MISERABLE. 

One day I was shadowing in a nearby hospital in the pediatric outpatient clinic. I like kids (when they're well behaved and clean), and I want to be a pediatrician one day, so I actually looked forward to this part of the week. On this particular day, I was shadowing the doctor along with a couple of 3rd year medical students. After a couple of minutes, I noticed this abnormally mute boy following us around. Like the dude barely spoke, and when he did I could barely hear him!!! Let's call him Baby Voice (BV for short).

One moment I'd be listening to the doctor or watching the third years interview the patient, and the next moment I  would suddenly sense someone talking to me only to look up and see Baby Voice mouthing words. Then I'd squint and ask, "Huh?" He'd repeat what he said at the same exact lowkey non existent volume.  I'd either pretend like I heard him or respond once the favor of the Lord revealed what BV had said to me. 

As the day wore on  BV warmed up to me and increased his volume 1/4th of a decibel. Progress.  From his barely audible whispers, I learned that he was in high school and was shadowing as a part of a summer program he was in. It also turned out that he was Nigerian (#NigeriaKwenu) which explained why he was in a medical summer program in the 10th grade.  

He  asked me about everything from life at  Howard to taking the SAT. I thought nothing of it, and assumed that this was just typical , everyday outpatient clinic chit chat. 

When it was time for me to leave, I waved goodbye and started out the door. 
Then he called out after me saying,  "I'll walk you out."

 I definitely  thought this was kind of weird and uncalled for, but seeing as how I was RETS to go, I didn't object. 

Once we made it out into the hall,  the most DREADFUL thing happened:  He asked for my number.

(Side note: I don't think guys understand how #scressful it is for us girls when they ask for our numbers and we aren't interested. I know it takes a lot of bravery to ask for someone's number, but if we just met and had a normal conversation about the weather, then don't think we hit it off and should become texting buddies. Now if the conversation was interesting/funny/thought provoking ...or if you're tall and have a beard then we can definitely exchange numbers.)

BV really caught me off guard, but I gave him my number and crossed my fingers, praying he'd only text me for more SAT advice.  Then he hugged me (too long) and said good bye. 

I wasn't even back in the dorm yet before Baby Voice texted me saying I was beautiful and asking if we could hang out some time. I didn't respond. Dis weird, I thought. Like I was about to be a sophomore in college and he was still in high school. I thought about it for a nano second and was like:



via  Giphy

via Giphy

As luck would have it, he found me on Twitter THE very next day (follow your girl @nigerian_gem) and followed me  (which reminds me...I need to block him before I publish this story).

Because I knew he could see me consistently tweeting and not responding to his text, I decided to text him back. My level of savagery hadn't reached its peak levels yet, so I didn't want him to think I was rude. When I texted him back I made sure to do so on a superrrr, casual, "just friends" tip. He dodged EVERY. SINGLE. HINT.  

After a week or two he wore me down, and I agreed to meet up with him and get it over with. Thankfully he was staying in the Quad where one of my friends was an RA, so I told her to text me after 20 minutes so I could make an excuse to leave. 

After orgo one Friday, I begrudgingly walked to the Quad and texted BV, saying I was on my way. He said he'd meet me outside which was fine by me. After 3 minutes of waiting and trying not to get eaten alive by gnats, I saw him emerge wearing basketball shorts, ball in hand. 

This ain't Love & Basketball, I thought to myself.

Then he said, "Actually,  me and my boys finna ball real quick. Could you come back in 30 minutes?"

In my head I was like,


via Giphy

via Giphy

Don't get me wrong I was SO relieved that I wasn't going to end up hanging out with BV. Actually, I was ECSTATIC. God was clearly holding me down.

I just couldn't get past the fact that he #truly #honestly assumed that  I was about to wait for him and his lil friends to finish hooping. I didn't even want to hang out  in the first place. This was not about to be the highlight of my Friday  night!  It was more like an unfortunate pit stop on the way to my other grown woman Friday night engagements (i.e.  eating pizza and watching Netflix, HELLO!) 

Instead of saying all of this, I simply replied, "No, I have to study."
"Maybe we can hang out later this weekend," he said.
"Yeah." I said
("Nah." I thought)

Then he went in for another( unnecessary) hug . This time he spun me around.

I threw up in my mouth.

Then I frolicked off into the sunset, knowing that I would never text homeboy ever again. 



originally published 10/9/16

Judy Oranika